Covid 19 has brought challenges to us – some specific to our own situations, some common to us all. We have been on a steep learning curve and it has taken its toll. We have suffered many losses and we are grieving.
If you are craving some downtime, if you feel you could benefit from some time for yourself with God, this retreat may be just what you are looking for.
I have adapted my ‘Come and Rest’ retreat for online purposes – see below.
If you are interested in joining us for it, you can email me at paulinewilson8@gmail.com for a workbook so you are ready to start next week – watch out for the video sessions on YouTube, one each day, Monday – Thursday. Each video will have its premiere but after that, you can watch them in your own time – so it’s totally flexible, to suit your needs and your schedule.
Covid-19 has brought the word ‘scarcity’ to the forefront of our minds and our language. Toilet rolls have been scarce. Pasta has been scarce. Hand sanitiser has been scarce. Online grocery slots have been scarce.
And those are just the physical things. On the emotional level, hugs have been scarce. Simple pleasures have been scarce. Coffee dates have been scarce. Family get-togethers have been scarce.
We in the West are not used to scarcity, of any kind. We are used to getting what we need. We are used to getting what we want. We don’t do well with scarcity. That’s something other countries and other cultures and other times in history have had to deal with – but not us.
Left without
The story of Ruth in the bible is set in a time of scarcity. Naomi and her husband left their home country because there was a scarcity of food. They went to Moab, where Naomi’s husband died; then her two sons died and ‘she was left without her two sons and her husband’. Naomi knew what it was to be left without – first without food and then without loved ones.
She had lost everyone close to her – and then she lost hope. When she returns to her home town, she tells the women ‘Do not call me Naomi (‘pleasant’); call me Mara (‘bitter’), for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went away full and the Lord has brought me back empty’.
Some days some of us feel empty. Some days some of us feel bitter. Some days some of us feel like we have lost our hope. Some days some of us feel like we have been left without.
Surprising provision
But if you know the ending of Naomi’s story, you know that God had not abandoned her. In a beautiful outpouring of grace, God begins to provide for Naomi. Her daughter-in-law, Ruth, goes out to the equivalent of the local food bank – she picks up sheaves of barley which had been intentionally left for the poor and the foreigners, at the sides of the fields during harvest. The owner of the field, Boaz, goes beyond that provision and invites her to eat with his farm-labourers – and ‘she ate until she was satisfied and she had some left over’ – enough to bring some home to Naomi. And not only that, but Boaz tells his workers to pull out some sheaves from the bundles and leave them for her.
Abundant provision
When Boaz realises he is in line to act as a redeemer for Naomi (to buy back her family’s property and also Ruth), he tells Ruth he will do what he can and sends her home to Naomi with ‘six measures of barley’ because he said ‘you must not go back empty-handed to your mother-in-law’.
Extravagant provision
And of course it is a fairy-tale ending, when Boaz marries Ruth and they have a little baby – grandson to Naomi and predecessor of king David and therefore of the Messiah. Now the local women gather again – but this time to rejoice with Naomi: ‘Blessed be the Lord, who has not left you this day without a redeemer, and may his name be renowned in Israel! He shall be to you a restorer of life and a nourisher of your old age’.
So what does a story about barley and redemption have to do with us?
Well, back to Covid-19 and all the things we have lost, all the things we miss, all the things we long for. These are real losses, real longings. Most of us can’t wait for all of this to be over and for everything to go back to normal. And yet, perhaps we are not ready for things to return to normal, until we know what it is we want to take with us out of this time of scarcity.
Some of us have learned to appreciate the simple pleasure of a daily walk; some of us have loved hearing the birds singing loudly at dawn and dusk; some of us appreciate friends and family more than ever.
Yet these things were all there before. It’s just that ‘in normal times’ we don’t stop to appreciate them. It is in times of scarcity that we learn to be grateful for what we have – or had. Times of scarcity open our eyes and ears and maybe even our hearts to appreciate what has actually been there all along.
Psalm 23:1 says this: ‘The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want’ – or ‘I lack nothing’. Psalm 34:9-10 says this: ‘Those who fear him have no lack….Those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.’ If we have the Lord as our shepherd, we have everything we need.
In times of scarcity – whether of food or of family – we can focus on what we are missing, or we can focus on what we have. I recently participated in an online retreat, where we were encouraged to write down 3 times or places each day where we saw God’s abundance – it could have been something small or something big. But it opened our eyes to the provision of God for us.
Tony Horsfall is a retreat facilitator who, during Covid-19, has chosen to accompany his wife to live in a residential care home, so that they are not apart during lockdown. Covid-19 has meant more losses for Tony than for most of us. But he has been journalling his experiences on Facebook (and actually exploring the book of Ruth as well). Here is what Tony says:
Present circumstances have robbed us of much of the ‘fullness’ of what normally makes up our lives. We have all been restricted and limited, we all feel loss and grief. If we allow it, this emptying can create a larger space in our lives for God. And he can fill the vacuum that has been created in our souls.
Let’s look for the surprising, abundant, extravagant provision of God, even in lockdown.
Let’s allow God to fill the empty spaces in our lives.
Let’s look for 3 times or places each day where we see God’s abundance – and let’s make that something we take with us out of lockdown. Maybe we could even start a thankfulness journal’ or a ‘thankfulness jar’ where we can record 3 things each day.
In our house, we’ve been in lockdown for 5 weeks now. We’re still alive – and still talking to each other! I don’t know about you, but this is different from how I thought it would be. The word ‘unprecedented’ has been used ad nauseam but that’s what it is. There’s no road map for the way ahead either.
A couple of weeks ago, I wrote an article where I quoted some research which suggests that there are 3 stages in how we handle disaster or trauma:
Stage No. 1: Security – when we should ‘focus on food, family, friends, and maybe fitness’.
Stage No. 2: The Mental Shift – when we should ‘focus on real internal change’.
Stage No. 3: Embrace a New Normal – ‘do the easy tasks first and work your way into the heavy lifting.’
I don’t know which stage you are in – I’m not sure I know which stage I am in – but I do know that when I shared this on social media, it seemed to ring true for a lot of people:
I’m not advocating laziness and I know that some people are being very productive during the lockdown – but I also know that many of us have been at least temporarily unable to do more than get through the day. And that’s OK. We will have plenty of time to process it when it’s all over.
For now, take your time. Rest when you need to. Let yourself off the hook. Be kind to yourself. We are all on a steep learning curve. And we are all facing an uncertain future. Don’t let your mind race ahead too far. Don’t plague yourself with the ‘what if’s’.
And, if anxiety overtakes you, reach out to someone. Don’t suffer in silence. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help. Don’t allow it to overcome you. We all need help from time to time. There is no shame in admitting that. Have the courage to seek help. If you don’t know where to look, contact me and I will find you someone if I can’t help you myself.
Those of you who follow me on social media will know that I have been posting every day for the last 5 days on the subject of ‘How to look after yourself’, in these very uncertain days of COVID 19. I have been using the acrostic SPECS, covering the Social, Physical, Emotional, Cognitive and Spiritual areas of our lives. Here they all are together in one place, for easy reference.
Social
We all need community – and we are all going to have to work out what that looks like in the weeks and months ahead. Whatever it looks like, stay in touch with people. Don’t withdraw. Many of us can no longer meet up with our friends physically, but we can make use of FaceTime, Skype or WhatsApp video – or even just the telephone. We are privileged to have so many ways to communicate with one another. Keep in touch. Be creative about it. There are lots of ways we can reach out to one another, even at this time of crisis. People are sharing all kinds of resources, whether that is grocery shopping or childcare or picking up prescriptions for those who cannot get out. People are sending each other cards or care packages in the post, or putting notes through their neighbours’ doors with offers of help. These acts of kindness communicate so much, especially at times like this. Let’s do them for one another.
Physical
Look after yourself – eat healthily, drink plenty (of water!), exercise moderately. Now more than ever, we need to get fresh air when we can and we need to look after ourselves. We may be housebound but if we are lucky enough to have even a small patch of a garden, we can breathe in the fresh air and watch the spring unfold – and perhaps plant some bulbs and flowers. There’s something about working with the soil that is so therapeutic for us. And watching things grow reminds us that spring is coming.
Emotional
Each news bulletin increases our fear, every chat with a friend or neighbour gives us something else to worry about. This is where social media is not our friend. Limit your access to it. Decide on your own limits because if you don’t, you will be tempted to keep scrolling. So perhaps check the news morning and evening and be wise about which sources you choose – there is so much fake news out there. As for social media, perhaps scroll through once or twice a day. And when you have decided on your limits, make your phone off limits the rest of the time! It helps to physically remove it from your pocket or from your side, if you can.
It’s important to remember to have fun! I saw a video clip recently on Facebook of games which parents have invented to keep their kids occupied when they are stuck at home. We all need to find things which bring us pleasure, whether that’s watching a boxed set on TV or bringing back some of the old board games or learning to cook some new recipes. Do some things which bring you pleasure.
And if you are really worried and can’t seem to overcome it, get some help. Don’t keep your fears to yourself – because when we do, they grow exponentially. Some people who suffer from anxiety find it helps to have a time in the day when they think about their worries – then when things crop up throughout the day, they don’t allow themselves to worry about them. When the time comes to think about their worries, some of them may have been resolved – and time might give some perspective on the others. If you feel that worry is taking a grip of you, then do reach out to a trusted friend or a minister or a doctor or a counsellor. Please don’t suffer alone.
Cognitive
Try to maintain a structure to your day. It’s easy, if we are in self-isolation, for every day to feel the same – and for time to just slip away without us doing anything very constructive, which adds to our sense of frustration. There is a lot we cannot control but there are some things we can control – and it’s important for our mental well-being that we take control of, for example, our own schedule and plan it well.
Even in self-isolation, there is plenty we can do to keep our minds active: my sister has stocked up on books from her local library; I have several podcasts lined up to listen to; a friend is going to learn calligraphy. I know some parents of young kids are planning on making up their own lessons for them when they are off school. And I know of a teacher who is going to offer to tutor her neighbour’s kids. We can all keep on learning.
Spiritual
If you are a person of faith, hang on to God, even when you can’t get to church. God is in the middle of this with us. He is not a God who tells us off for being afraid – He is the God who says ‘Do not be afraid, for I am with you’. It’s a great idea to start each day with a Psalm, instead of starting it with the latest news bulletin. Talk to God, tell Him your worries and concerns, turn your worries into prayers. (If I turned half of my worries into prayers, I would pray a lot more and worry a lot less.) Listen to worship music – the Gospel Coalition has produced a free playlist on Spotify of songs which address our anxieties. There are great reports coming in from across Albania (and Europe) of many more people accessing church online than would normally be physically in church. In Italy, the traffic on a Bible-reading app has spiked by 30%. So let’s use the resources we have at our disposal. There are so many church services to tune into – if your church isn’t offering that service, you will easily find one online. On top of that, there are lots of other resources – for example, our local parish church is offering daily encouragement from the Psalms each day at 1pm, starting on Monday 23 March, as well as a Spotify list of children’s resources. God has not forsaken us and He never will. The message of Christmas – Immanuel – God is with us – is still true today, in the middle of these very uncertain times. So let’s focus and refocus on what God says to us and find comfort in the truths of His Word.
At this day retreat, we will be thinking about three tables: king David’s table (to which he invited the grandson of his enemy, Saul); the bird table (which reminds us of the extravagant provision of God for us) and the Lord’s table (which helps us to focus on the love of Jesus for us).
Here’s what a participant at a previous retreat said:
‘My main takeaway from the retreat was the progression towards the Lord. I loved that we started with how privileged we are to be able to sit at the king’s table; then how the bird table teaches us that, just as God provides for the birds, so too we can trust in his provision and his permission to be at the table; and then ending with communion at the Lord’s table was a lovely end to a reflective day.’
This retreat will be from 10am – 4pm on Wednesday 30 September and will take place in the beautifully renovated Murlough House, outside Dundrum. There will be times of teaching and times of personal reflection, with no compulsion to share with anyone. This is a time for you and God.
My first retreat of 2020 was one spent in the Mournes with 8 young people, students at Belfast Bible College.
It is always exciting to see young people who are prepared to commit time away to engage with God and with his Word, listening to what he has to say to them as they prepare for a new semester.
We looked at 3 tables:
(a) king David’s table, to which Mephibosheth, grandson of David’s enemy Saul, was invited to eat every day (II Samuel 9), illustrating the lavish grace of God to us;
(b) the bird table (lots of birds were eating from feeders at our retreat), demonstrating the truth of Matthew 6 – if God feeds the birds, he will look after us too;
(c) the Lord’s table to which we are invited, in order to remember the death of Jesus for us all (I Corinthians 11).
Here’s what one of the students said afterwards:
‘My main takeaway from the retreat was the progression towards the Lord. I loved that we started with how privileged we are to be able to sit at the king’s table; then how the bird table teaches us that, just as God provides for the birds, so too we can trust in his provision and his permission to be at the table; and then ending with communion at the Lord’s table was a lovely end to a reflective day, resetting before busyness resumes!’
‘2014 was a difficult year for me. My only sibling, my younger sister, died in July and my wife died four months later. These sudden and unexpected deaths left me shattered with overwhelming sadness. We had been married for over 50 years and, at the age of 75, there was a huge hole in my life. When people asked me how I was, my standard reply was that I was fine, but the reality was the complete opposite.
‘Fortunately, my family recognised the danger signals and arranged for professional grief counselling with Pauline Wilson. Firstly, Pauline listened sympathetically and encouraged me to talk about my true feelings. Pauline recognised the trauma I was experiencing and the difficulty I was having in grieving. She talked me through the five stages of grief and gave me support and advice that it was not wrong to grieve. In my counselling sessions, Pauline alleviated the hurt and pain of grief. She taught me how to cope with special occasions like birthdays and anniversaries and led me to understand and believe that, at the end of the journey, there would be peace and the sadness would go away.
‘For anyone going through grief and finding it difficult to cope, I strongly recommend that they seek professional help from a counsellor trained to lead you on probably the most difficult journey you will ever experience in your life.‘ TM
I love gardening and I get very excited when I see things growing as they were meant to grow. But I’m never very sure what to do when things look like they are dying.
In our lives, most of us want to grow and thrive. It’s true in the physical realm (at least we get excited when children grow – maybe not so excited when our own waistlines grow!); it’s true in the emotional realm as we learn new ways of relating, navigate new emotions or acquire new tools to help us cope with emotional problems; it’s also true in the spiritual realm – we are meant to keep on growing.
That’s what this 24-hour ladies’ retreat is about – how we learn to keep on growing. We will look together at what Jesus taught about spiritual growth and then we will explore some spiritual disciplines which help us maintain that growth.
If this is an area which interests you, and you would like to spend 24 hours away with like-minded women in the beautiful setting of Murlough House, then please do come and join us.
There will be good food, relaxation, teaching sessions and quiet times for personal reflection. You won’t be required to share anything with anyone.
I know that we as women can often think of a hundred other things we need to do with our money and time. But let me encourage you to think of this as a very necessary way to care for yourself. When we take the time to do this, we are more equipped to go back into our everyday lives and be the women God has called us to be.
Whatever our age, wherever we live, whatever we work at, whoever our friends are – we all know what stress is.
Of course, some level of stress is good. It’s what helps us meet deadlines. But very often we are carrying too much stress in our lives – and it’s good to periodically leave it behind and enjoy some rest.
That’s what we aim to do on this one-day ladies’ retreat – follow what Jesus said to his disciples: “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” Mark 6:31.
We look at some biblical teaching about the principle of rest – and then we look at some illustrations of that kind of rest from scripture. Each teaching session is followed by time for quiet, individual reflection – time and space to think through what God is saying to us. You won’t be required to share anything with anyone.
Come with us to the beautiful setting of Murlough House and enjoy a break which will do you good. It’s an investment in your physical, emotional and spiritual health which you won’t regret.
To spend the time and money on yourself may at first seem indulgent and we as women can often think of a hundred other things we need to do with our money and time. But let me encourage you to think of this as a very necessary way to care for yourself. When we take the time to do this, we are more equipped to go back into our everyday lives and be the women God has called us to be.
What is a retreat and why would I want to go on one?
Put simply, a retreat is an opportunity for you to leave your normal everyday life behind – and take time out with God.
But I try to do that anyway – why go away to do it?
If you are anything like me, home is filled with distractions; at work there is an endless ‘to do’ list; and it’s just hard to get uninterrupted, prolonged time with God – long enough to settle down in his presence and hear what he is saying.
How long does it last?
Some of my retreats are day retreats and some are 24-hour retreats – so you can choose what works best for you. If you want to make sure you hear about any that are coming up, you can subscribe to this blog, or follow my page on Facebook.
What happens on a retreat?
Don’t worry, there is nothing freaky or sinister about it. There will be food, relaxation, teaching sessions and also time for personal reflection. And you won’t be required to share anything with anyone. But don’t take my word for it – here’s what a participant at one of my retreats said about her experience:
If you have never considered attending a retreat, don’t be put off by the name! It is time spent investing in your spiritual health, away from routine and responsibilities.
A spiritual retreat is not like attending a church service, conference or a course where one feels challenged, motivated and inspired by the content. At times we experience information overload at these events. God often convicts us to make changes in our lives, but we are easily distracted and by the time we get home – we have forgotten!
Pauline facilitated a quiet space both physically and spiritually, where we learnt to wait on the Lord and had an opportunity to invest time in our spiritual wellbeing. She taught on the Biblical principle of Rest and the importance of prioritising and incorporating rest into our busy schedules.
At the end of each teaching session there was time allocated to quietly reflect on what God was saying and individually work through the issues discussed. This was not a rushed atmosphere, rather a protected, holy space and an opportunity to commit to make necessary changes.
Murlough House is a marvellous setting for a retreat. It is a beautifully restored country house with elegant ensuite bedrooms and lots of comfortable areas to sit in solitude. It is set in the beautiful Murlough nature reserve with numerous walks and of course access to miles of unspoilt beach with views of the Mourne mountains.
Nurturing Growth, Encouraging Rest 